Saturday, November 28, 2009


"You think I should put the gratuity on," Antonio asked as Alexis and I stood by the terminal. It was a slow day, but a good day to sharpen our wits.
"They are sorority girls," I replied.
"But what does that mean,"" Alexis replied. The sorority girls chatted while downing their beers with ease.
"Maybe you'll get over the 18% if you put on your best winning smile."
"Yeah, practice," Alexis said.
"Okay like this," Antonio said. He put his hands together praying to the restaurant gods and widened his mouth.
"No, you gotta show some teeth," Alexis said.
Antonio broadened his smile and displayed his teeth slightly.
"That's what I'm talking about," I said.
"I have fucked up teeth though," Antonio said with dismay.
"Don't worry about it," Alexis said.
"Go, do it," I said.
Antonio walked over to the table and set down the checkbook. He opened his hands and smiled widely showing teeth. Alexis and I laughed and then walked away. Ten minutes later we reconvened at the terminal.
"So how much did you get," I asked.
"It was $12.00. I think that's like 17%," Antonio said as he punched in the numbers into the terminal closing out the sorority girls check.
"Those fuckers," I said. "You got a dollar ripped out of your pocket!"
"You definitely should have grated them," Alexis said.
"I think it was my teeth."

"So the other night I was at the party," Chris began as I stood by the wait terminal. I sipped on some water as Chris slowly put away some glasses on to the shelf. "There was this ugly girl that I slept with. It was really awkward, although every time I went into a room she disappeared into another."
"Why was it so awkward," I said.
"Well it was a mistake to sleep with her. I talked to a friend earlier in the evening and she did the same thing to him."
"What was that?"
"She learned me into the room saying 'I have some whiskey,' I was drunk and said okay. Then she shut the door and got naked."
"Sounds pretty devious," I said.
"Yeah what a mistake."
"The good thing about not drinking as much is that I don't make those mistakes anymore. The bad thing is that I never get laid."

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