Saturday, October 4, 2008

You wanted to see how good it feels to leave leave pt 4.

The pub was two stories. The pub was dark. Irish pubs always seemed dark, anywhere in the world, due to the Irish's reluctance to show their facial blemishes in full light, or even half light. Along with the darkness of the bar was a full bar, a red haired and matching nosed Irish ex-pat singing out pop songs and a handful of bored looking white people. The staff was mainly Thai, with a falang manager.

Molly was sitting by herself at the bar. She was dressed in faded blue jeans, a low cut lime green shirt that was a size too big for her wide shouldered frame and wore a black beret. She was leafing through a book. When I see a girl I'm attracted to I give myself 3 seconds to talk to her. After the initial contact its too late, I'll either seem too creepy, too apt to linger, or I'll just seem like another weak willed average fucking chump. I went and sat next to her at the bar.

"Hey can I ask you something," I began.

She looked at me and stuck her finger in her book. I knew she would give me some time.

"It will just be a minute. I was curious as to your advice about something."

"Yeah, sure," she replied with a slight irish accent. The accent made me aroused. Every american loves accents from europe, its a perversity dealing with how we were initially colonized by them.

"So, I've been looking for a little part time income while I've been out here and have gotten a few odd jobs as an extra in movies. My availability and congeniality have led me to get quite a few call backs. Next week there is a Bruce Willis movie being shot. The director wants me to do a spot as an army lieutenant. There's a speaking role in it which bumps up my salary big time. I'm in a dilemma not because I'm afraid of getting some sort of tropical disease (which is almost a certainty being out in the jungle for so long) but because a good friend of mine is having a muay thai bout. My friend and I came out here at the same time and he's having his first bout out here. I'm a bit worried for him. Its far from home so I'm afraid that if he gets his brain smashed open by some young thai punk no one will be able to help him. They'll take his limp body, slide it onto a thin stretcher, carry him to the curb and turn the stretcher over. What do you think? Do I go with something that would really jump start my career or do I hang with my friend?"

She looked out into the distance for a second then returned her gaze to my face. She had light blue eyes. "Do you really think your friend is going to get hurt? I've seen some muay thai fights and those guys don't seem to get too banged up."

"Yeah," I say with hesitation. "I just don't know. I don't know about his abilities or more importantly his opponent's abilities." I shake my head feigning confusion mixed with sadness.

"Well what do you think of the movie role? Do you want to become an actor?"

I nod my head vigorously. "I never thought that I'd want to act until I landed this shot. But I'm torn. Where does my duty lay? To my friend? Or to myself? What would you do?"

"You know I think that I would stay with the friend. Especially if he's been around for a while. If you haven't been friends with him for so long I'd go with the career. If you're close I would chose the relationship."

"Hmm. That makes sense. I'm getting all caught up in my drama... What are you reading?"

"Its e.e. cummings."

"Oh the poet?"

"Yeah. I recently got this book at the paragorn bookstore, you know over by siam central."

"I've been there, go on."

"I don't know I like him. A lot of his poems are sonnets, he talks about love and nature. He doesn't always make sense. He misspells words, and makes up all these compound words."

"What poem are you looking at now," I ask. I brush her hand away and open the book. With I rest my other hand on her shoulder as I begin to read the poem aloud.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

I finished reading the poem and set the book down. I looked at her right eye, then looked at her left eye, then my eyes moved to her lips.

"It was beautiful," I said.

We chatted, talking about where we were from, what it is exactly that we were doing out here in the city of fallen angels, and talked about music. Surprisingly we found that we had a lot in common. I took her back to my place after a few beers. We had sex. While I was on top of her I wondered what she was thinking about. I didn't ask her. I wondered if she was thinking about other people, then I wondered if Amy thought about the TA while I was boning her. In the morning Molly and I had sex again.

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