Friday, March 7, 2008

My Last Defense part 2

I rode without purpose. I'd been bike riding for 3 hours. I'd ridden down to Alameda, up to the Albany Bulb, east into Rockridge, and then south into West Oakland. I was trying to ride myself into exhaustion. I didn't sleep the night before. I wasn't sure that I wanted to sleep.

As I laid in bed the night before I heard a small creaking at my window. My window is right above the head of my bed. The window was slightly ajar and let in the cool night breeze. The window gasped as if it was being opened even more. I checked the window but it was unmoved. I shut it after my examination. I wrapped my blankets around my cooling body. The room seemed to get colder. I felt a weight fall onto my chest. It was the heaviest weight imaginable. As my body began to grow heavier I began to feel hotter. I threw off my blankets as my body began to lightly sweat. I didn't feel sick, but the room was on fire. I tried to sit up in bed but failed. I scooted myself up a little so I could look around the room. The room was dark with night. The weight seemed to get only heavier. I saw a shadow by my bedroom door flicker. It was darker than the other shadows in the room. It moved back and forth.

The shadow whispered to me. At first his voice was light, then it turned into a screech, then back into the original airiness. The changes in voice were not changes in volume. It was always a whisper. The shadow said to me:

"This life as you now live it and have lived it, you will have to live once more and innumerable times more ...All the events in your life that have occurred will occur again. Every pain, every failure, every humiliation. Will you not throw yourself down and gnash your teeth and curse me? Or have you once experienced a tremendous moment and so when you answer me will you say: 'You are a god and never have I heard anything more divine.'

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